An afternoon by the sea

PM and I have been friends for 8 years.  We met when I was 16. And since, we've done quite a huge amount of crazy things. We took the bus to Anwerp, to see our favorite band, we went on holidays together.
So when we decided to suddenly decided to go on a roadtrip to Normandy, I knew we were going to have fun.
After some administrative obligations, we finally left my town. The car doesn't accept any USB keys or whatsoever, so we decided to dig in our CDs to select our adolescence love.
Korn, Rammstein, Within temptation, Evanescence, System of a down.
We were both dress as respectable young ladies going, and I like to think that people might have been surprised of the music we were listening.
As it happens, people often assume that you're listening to a certain type of music because of your look. Which can be quite misleading with PM and I. It's always so fun to imagine the reaction of people if they knew what we're listening. It feels like being spies under cover.

So we arrived at my Place in Normandy. My grandparents had made lunch for us, and thats definitly something I'm going to miss, once I'll be in China. I always loved my grand mother's cooking.
Then we left the house to go to the beach.
Sea, sand and sun. I missed it so much. Seeing that place where I have so many great memories had some kind of bittersweet taste. I have learned to walk there, to swimm, it was also where I went on a boat for the first time, and then where I learnt to sail and, where I sailed, all by myself. I ran at dawn or at dusk, clearing my head. I looked at the colours of the clouds above the sea, never getting bored of it.

PM and I even went to swim. The water was cold. It's always cold. I like it. It make you feel alive, your sking tingling, hair raised, shivering. we didn't stay in the water very long, just until we were too cold to enjoy it anymore. Then we went on walking along the beach, before going home.

It was the only time I managed to get to see the sea and go swim in the whole summer. But I really didn't wan't to leave the country without going back to Normandy first.

Quand on n'a pas de tête, on a des jambes pour courir.

I forgot my brain home this morning. I had to bring some stuff to Lea, but forgot everything. I haven't be sleeping well for quite some time now. I sleep, even try to sleep more than usual, to compensate the perpetual weariness, but it doesn't actually work. I wake up in the morning even more exhausted than I was when I went to bed. Getting out of the bed is a challenge.
Those are not the usual nightmares. They are not made of memories as the used to. They are just weird, and fucked up, and leave me unconfortable. The feeling when I get up is different. I can live with my I did and what happened to me in the past, and burry it back every morning. But those nightmares have been different. less logical. They also play on my fears and anxiety, but in a way that make them much more difficult to push them away when day comes. It's been like that for some times now. It's cool that my past is not haunting me as much as it used to, but I'd like to be able to go to bed without fearing what's on the other side.
I sort of always had a crapy sleep, so I'm used to it. but today it will cost me a 3-hour-trip back to my place to get some stuff and bring them to Lea. I'd have gladly avoided it. Honnestly.
I'd like to be able to get some sleep without wondering if I won't wake up anyone sleeping near me, to be able to go somewhere without checking twice if I have everything I need to sleep.
Oh, and not being awake every freaking two hours or so! That would be a cool improvement too!

Reading again

I haven't been able to read for month. My brain has been on overdrive quite often and my free time has been dedicated to side projects. And no book managed to keep my attention for more than a minute or two.
But since I've been back from London, with new books I started reading again. I love reading. I missed it so much.
I just needed to find books I was sure would keep my mind busy, would feed my imagination and shield me from the grey dullness of my daily life. I needed to find a book I wanted to read. Something I wouldn't abandon on the shelf after a couple of pages.
And now I'm back to my usual "A book/a week" rate, with me longingly looking at my book on the desk, not being able to read and being highly frustrated that I cannot find a peaceful place and keep on reading.
I want to know what comes next!

Leap of faith

I am afraid. Well, that's not exactly something new. I'm more or less afraid of everything, just way too stubborn to take it in account. "Scared? GOOD! Let's do it anyway!"
That's how I made lots of things work. I was afraid. It was completely insane, but I threw myself in nonetheless, and winged things up until it worked.
I like the comfort of my safety zone. But I just can't let fear dictate my life. Not in a thousand years!
And In a month, I'm going to take a new leap of faith.
Leaving the safety of my Job in Paris, of living at my parents place, of studying something really easy, of my friends. New and old. I'll leave everything behind me and try something else on the other side of the world.
I don't really know what will happen to me afterward. I try not to think too much about it. Will I come back to France? Leave China for India, or for Iceland? I ditch the unremarkable life I had for a new life of adventure. And it's both Thrilling and Terrifying.
I've so much to do before leaving. So many people I want to see, and NOT FREAKING LEAVE BEHIND!
I mean, I know, they'll all be there when I come back (or so I hope) but still, there's a huge amount of voices in my head saying that this is INSANE.
Of course, I'll also make new friends there. But well, here at least I know who the weirdos are.
I'll have to try my best and blend in (at least long enough to make the difference between muggles and weirdos.)
I need to leave, that's not even an option. I've been preparing my departure for literally more than a year, but fuck, It's crazy.
I guess people would hit me on the head for saying that, but I literally have nightmares about ending up alone after leaving the country. I will miss all that crazy folk and probably wish I never left.
I need to go. Let's be honnest. Those last two years have been ...er... interesting? I did learn a lot about myself, grew up as a person, and had tones of fun with lovely people.
But good gracious god, I'm happy to leave my job and my business school! It's been a ordeal to put one foot in front of the other for the last two years. I got so bored! My brain felt like it was rusting in my skull. It's been draining me all year long, and I had so many breakdown I could have designed a rollercoaster after my moodswings.
At least now I know that I'm not made for working in an office.
I need to widen my horizon and to try new things. I need changes and new challenges.

I'll be back to my love for foreign languages. Back to study languages, even teaching languages! I'll learn so many things!
Chinese! (quite obviously) and Russian (there's lots of russian speaking people at the university, so it should help!) also Arabic (same than for Russian) and possibly Thai (very likely since Lea's friends are mainly thai.)
I'm seriously afraid of loosing people and filled with adrenalin just with the anticipation of so much knowledge at my disposition.
Please people, don't forget me while I'm away.
I know it's part of life, people moving, and meeting new people and only the strongest friendship survive, but I'm too afraid to lose everyone. I know people won't stop living while I'm away, and it's even a good thing. I'm happy that their life go one and get even better. I just wish that there will still be a small place for me in their life.

Let's wing it up!

I haven't seen the sea for WAY too long. I miss the salty wind, the low rumble of the waves on the beach. I miss feeling the sand under my feet, I miss swimming, I miss sailing.
Oh Lord, I miss sailing so much. The speed, the wind in my ears, in my hair, being standing over the water, surfing on the waves.
So PM and I decided to leave Paris for a day. We'll go to my grand parents' place in Normandy. They felt a bit lonely lately, so we decided to go say hi!
"Hey, I want to see the sea, let's go see My grans in Normandy saturday!"
"Okay."

I love PM. She has loads of defaults, and I could rant dor hours about her, but nonetheless: I love her. She is that awesomely crazy girl, who never says No to an improvised trip. We have some great memorise of our famous trip to Anwerp, for the anniversary live of one of our favorit band, or when we decided to go to London.
So here we are again! Going on an adventure in Normandy!

Wolfgang - Resident lunatic

Socialising with muggles - How fast can you call someone your "best friend"?

As you know I work in a not very glamourous field: I'm a Marketing product manager for a French Car-maker. It's not the most thrilling job, not very brain-challenging, but my colleagues are cool, so it's okay.
The thing is that it's a Muggle thing.
It's common, mainstream, doesn't come even close to the cultures I identify to, or to the things I like.
Here, I'm a bit of an Alien, a weird bird.
And one of the things that makes me feel so awkwardly different is quite simple actually. I'm passionate.
Of an incredible number of things.
I love reading, mainly fantasy books, I love sewing, and writing, kniting, dancing, singing, studying. I could talk about those things for hours. They make something resonate in me. I feel whole, I feel excited, and curious. It make my heart beat faster, time flies, my brain works faster.
Someone once said that I glow from inside and I talk with my hands whenever I talk about something I love.
I'm well known for my impossibly complicated and overbooked agenda, and of the incredible number of activities I was take at the same time. That's only because I'm so passionate. If I didn't love so many things, I wouldn't bother with so many activities, events, practice.
The thing is that to me, it feels natural. Discovering new things, and tring to master as many as possible in the shorter amount of time, doing as many things as possible.
So when I talk to people, I'm always astonished when people tell me that the don't have a passion, or a special thing, no personnal project they're working on, be it sewing something, building something, writing something, composing something.
I'm not good at small talk. I want to talk about the way earth moves, about the new scientific discoveries, about colours that don't exist, about what one dreams at night, or what's in one's head.
Talking with people with no passion for anything, whose life is limited to work and party is a weird experience. There is no real conversation, it's just all small talks and meaningless words.
How do they keep busy? What do they do during the week-end?
Talking about the things I'm interested in got me being labeled as a "weirdo", as someone strange, someone that should not be taken too seriously. My opinion is often neglected because "Don't pay attention, she's a weird". In the team, I'm the resident genius. A living-geeky-encyclopedia-of-useless-knowledge.
Not the best way to socialise in your work place.
I could be good at socialising. I'm a good actress. I faked being normal when that was necessary, but I realised that... I'm not "Normal" I'm passionnate. I don't like small talks. I don't like letting people saying things I know aren't accurate and thus spreading ignorance. So I stopped pretending. I just stood right in my shoes and said what I had to say. Talkes about mathematics, about history of fashion, about sewing new costumes, about working on my next novel, about feminism, about symbolism in books, about the coulour of the earth everywhere I've been, I talked about what makes my heart race and watched who listened and who talked back, who joined the conversation, who were the other weirdos.

Socialising is not mandatory. Toning down is not mandatory. Standing out of the crowd can actually be pretty awesome.
My colleagues gave me a nickname. They like me. I'm part of the team, even if my social skills are different than theirs.

On the other side, My stepfather teased me yesterday for calling someone "my best friend" even if I've known him only for a few month.
He said that it was childish. That a best friend is someone with whom you build a relationship over time, over years and that only time makes them a "best-friend".
But To me that description felt wrong. I'm been know for dissapearing from the surface of the earth every few years, loosing people each time. The only ones who stayes were my best friends. my special friends. The weirdos with whom I talked about the landscape in their head, about the way I see the sky. For most of them, they went from stranger to best friend in a very short time, because those are the ones I felt, and I kwen, I had something in common with. We stood outside the crowd together, worked the same way and understood eachother.
I do believe in friendships that grow from barely knowing someone to be as brothers in years. But because we stand out, because we are different and it shows, it's easier to meet people to whome you're close to, to bond with people you have many things in common. I do believe that it is possible to become best friends in two month. Or in two weeks, why not? Because there was some place left in my heart, because even if we don't know each other by heart, we understand eachother on a level far deeper than most. We skip the small talk and go for the "how many galaxies are in your heard?"
I do believe that PM was my best friend from scratch. That from the moment we met, she was different and had a special place. That from the beginning, without knowing her, I knew she was my best friend.
And I do believe that among the new friends I made this year, one of them is indeed one of those special friend. It is. I don't question it. I just know it.

Sports again!

My dearest doctor finaly declared me fit for sports again! I AM SO HAPPY!
I missed training so much! and missed clearing my head, missed the subbtle pride of aching muscles!
I can't go back to ballet yet, but running is okay. 5 kilometers top, with a lot of stretching.
But I'm so happy! back to my working out schedule! Getting fit again!

Beautiful clothes

Yves Saint Laurent

I know that I don't know a lot, and by itself it's already a lot.

Edit warning: The article is longer than expected at first. Please excuse me for the potential inconvenience. To keep you company, I've found an owl taking a bath. Enjoy.

We were talking about languages, and the fact that we intend to learn a bunch of them. Like, litterally as many languages as possible.
Leaving the country next month, I know I'll have the possibility to learn and practice many languages that were up to now impossible to study (because of the lack of time and of people to talk with - that's the problem of living in your birth country: you already speak the local language)
I am always happy when my friends plan on learning a language which is also on my list.
Swedish, German, Italian, Russian, Thaï, Arabic...

But as we talked about it Someone told me that I'd have to be patient, because even if one started to learn a language with me, I'd be way over one's level in the same amount of time.
That remark got stuck in my head somehow.

I have indeed been studying a couple of languages. French, obviously, since it's my mother tong. English, (seems obvious too, since I am... well, writing in english, as an attempt to practice), Italian, too, because, why not? (I started in highschool and since made new friends in Italy) and Spanish.
I recently started German, because it's a good base to then learn Russian (and I've always been quite intrigued with the language and the culture). German is indeed easier to learn from an English speaker point of view than from a French point of view, so I take my classes in English.

To me learning languages is both weird and natural.
Learning French as a kid was quite a pain. I had an extended vocabulary, spoke easily with complex sentences, but writting was a PAIN. As my mother used to say, I re-invented French several times. [Dyslexia didn't help, that's for sure]
I knew how to talk, but write was something else entierly. I couldn't grasp grammar even if my life depended on it, I couln't remember the proper conjugaison of a verb, or what I was supposed to put at the end of an adjective.
Again, talking came naturally and I didn't make mistakes, which drove my parents mad.
Well, to be honnest, it drove me mad too. My head has awlays been full of stories, of great quest, dragons, spaceship, epic quests and beautifull landscape. I had maelstorm of words spinning in there and was unable to share them without making a fool of myself. It's both extremely frustrating and actually hurting.

At some point I was so pissed for not being able to write correctly all the things that were in my head, I bit myself until I got it all. was hard. hated it, but it had to be done.
I learned out of shame and stubborness. I was tired of people never taking me seriously because of my grammar or  my spelling mistakes. I took extra classes, wrote more carefully and change the way I read. (went from binge-reading to Reading the word one by one - Now you know why I read so slowly, It's still something new for me)
And that's how I started to write French. Took me ages, and I think I really got it right only in the middle of highschool.)

I never had the same problem with English. I learnt it from scratch, and even if I was still struggling with french I didn't have so many problems with english. Of course it wasn't perfect (Still isn't perfet, whatever the Sweet monster can say - He seems unable to realise that his english is actualy more fluent than mine. But never mind.)

So when he told me that I had to be patient with people learning new languages, beause I seem to learn them fast and without real struggle, it stuck. I had so much trouble learning my mother tong, how could he really say that? I study for the sake of what is left of my sanity. To me, the more languages you speak the more you'll be able to travel, and learn and read. Languages are an window on other people's lives, and learning them only seem natural. The more I learn, the easier it gets. words from different languages get linked together around ideas and concepts. It's both very clear and all mixed.
But I don't think I learn languages any faster than anyone else. I'm not even very serious in my studies.
I only do it for fun and for curiosity.

Back from... never mind, home sweet home!

I'm BACK!

Back from holidays, and back to work (back pain too, but that's another topic entierly)!
Lady Mona and I came back from London Friday morning. we had hald a day  to empy our luggage and pack another suit case to leave for my Almost-Evil-Twin's place in Le Mans.
Once again, I was traveling with the gorgeous and oh so marvelous Lady Mona, (who happens to be my Almost-Evil-Twin's girlfriend). Let's be honnest, we were already dead tired from the night of journey (Coach, ferry, coach again) and the ordeal of bringing all our shopping back to our respective flats left us even more exhausted. (my suitcase weighted more than Me ans I had another bag with the blankets and shoes that couldn't fit in the suitcase) (I bought books, shoes and blankets, mainly, which are both heavy and cumbersome.) But we made it to the train station, early friday afternoon for our next journey!
I almost died twice between getting back to my flat and leaving it again, but I miraculously survived the tiredness, the luggage (emptied/repacked), and the incredible amount of small things I had to do.

After London's grey sky and rain, we welcomed Paris' sun and dressed for the season: Nice and short dress for the Lady, and mini shorts for me.
Karma being a bitch, it obviously rained in Le Mans when we arrived!
Then yesterday, late afternoon, I was back to the station to get back to Paris, this time I travelled alone and almost died of cold (SNCF has a weird sens of how air conditioning should be used).
I finally arrived at my place around 21h30! Time for paperwork to prepare my appointment at the Chinese visa center in Paris.
I emptied my suit case but couldn't find the strengh to put it back in the closet. I have been living with an open-suitcase in my bedroom for month! Which on the long run is a bit depressing actually. I don't know when was the last time I could finally settle for more than a few days.

I am happy to move and see many people. The feeling of Living. Enjoying as many things as possible, but I miss having time for myself. Those last month, it mainly happened while I wasn't even at my place. Someone had to almost force some free time into my agenda for me to take naps and read and do nothing in order to avoid a mass murder. (Couldn't thank the Sweet Monster enough for that. I'd have gone mad without those quiet moments)
I don't even know where I'll be next saturday/sunday. (3 possibilities for the moment, and only one implies me staying homesaturday and going to an event sunday)
Long story short: I'm exhasted and want to crawl under my blanket and sleep for several days!

Skywhales

Music video by Emilie Nicolas performing Pstereo. (C) 2014 Sony Music Entertainment Norway AS under exclusive license with Mouchiouse Music

Sense 8 - season 2 comfirmed!

Netflix confirmed Sense8 season2!
I'm so excited! HIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII

Mirror Wolf

Mirror Wolf by Arran Gregory

I won't be living under a bridge!

Lady Mona and I managed (she managed) to rent a room in London!
(3 days before arriving)
Hourra! We won't be sleeping under the rain!
[as one can notice, we tend to book things at the last possible moment, but it seems to work well for us!]
London here we come!

London, here I come!

So Lady Mona and I are goind on an adventure together: Beware London, here we come!

Lady Mona and I are both HUGE Potterheads! We needed to take some days off (in order to avoid a mass murder - Us being angry against the world) and to go to the HarryPotter Studio, in England, but... There is no more tickets for the exhibition during our days off (we sort of started to think about booking tickets instead of daydreaming quite late... (2 days ago))

But it wasn't going to prevent us from fleeing the country and having fun abroad!

So Today, I booked our tickets for London!

So we'll leave next week for 4 days in London! I'm so excited!
I've been talking about travelling for weeks! (and no, China doesn't count. I'll be living there, not travelling). So going back to London can only be a good thing.

I've been missing England for some time now. I don't know anyone there anymore, but I had so good memories there, it will always have a special place in my heart.

The two of us in London! that will be fun!

Not many pictures

Am I the only one feeling guilty about taking many pictures (like « I should be living, seeing things directly, not through a screen») and when back home sad about not having many pictures to relive the events ?

Watch this!

If you haven't watched it already, Please watch Sense8.
This show has everything one could wish for: Strong characters, male, female, trans, straight, gay, white, black, asian.
There is action (KABOUM style or hand to hand combat style) there's love and romance, there's humour, there's friendship, courage and violence.
The scenario is cool and well thought and really original.

There's 12 episodes and seriously, it's worth it!

Back from my first LARP!

I just came back from my first LARP! It was so COOL!
The general context was the meeting of delegations from several nations, housed by the elves to try to build peace between the countries and defeat a dark lord. My friends and I signed up as a company of mercenary attached to a Duke and his delegation. I played Victoire, the company's cook (a key position) and I seriously LOVED IT!
It was my first LARP, so I was a bit angsty the day before, but once I was there, I forgot about the stress and had tones of fun with awesome people.
I had the occasion to hit people with a foam sword (And since my friends had kindly forced me into joining their training at least once a month, I wasn't as bad as I feared I would be [Thanks again guys!]) I drank hippocras with a Duke and his court, talked clothing with the duchess, laughted with some barbarians, and knitted during my watch.

That was really cool! The costumes, the atmosphere, everyone playing their role.
It was my first LARP, and I do hope, the first of a long list. (Very likely since I'll come back to France next summer ^^)
We had a perfect weather (a bit hot) and a really great place to play (a medieval village in a forest).

I'll have to by a new sword (mine broke) and finish my costume (I sewed for hours on the days before the larp, to finish my tunic and my shirts. I sewed so much, that my hands hurt and I overdosed, quiting before I finished the second shirt. (All the rest was done, so It wasn't .) and probably come back a week early just to train, but there's no way I miss the next opus!