The end of an Era

I've been trying to write something but I'm not satisfied with anything.
I wanted to share this weird feeling I have about quitting Rhythmic Gymnastics.
I had my last show yesterday, and there was this bittersweet taste to it.
I love this sport. It taught me so much.
I started when I was 5, started competing when I was 11, took a 4 year break when I was 16, went back at 20, changed club at 21 and kept on dancing 'till yesterday.
I started dancing 19 years ago.
I was never very good. I was to inattentive to really work out. but I had fun. I worked enough to get in shape. And growing up I became more competitive and really enjoyed what I did.
I love dancing. moving, having a deep conscience of your body, being concentrated your feet, your hands, the precise moves to make your hoop turn high above your head. It washes everything away. No more voices, no more anxieties, problems. The rest of the world could crumble, without you even seeing it. There's only the music, the apparate, that pirouette you have to do, the way you point your feet without having to think about it and yet, you still say it in your head.
During one song, the world disappear and there's only dance.
I love thiswave of adrenalin just before the begining of the music. When all eyes are on you. You take one very deep breath and roll your shoulders, and it feels like your shedding a skin that had become to tight.
everything outside the floor and the judges table is in the shadow. The sounds are distorded, you hear the public, and yet it feels distant.
You breath out and raise your head, and the only thing in your head is "I'm gonna rock it"
And then the music starts and there is nothing and everything at the same time. You feel every fiber of your body. You look at the judges, making eye contact. You're fierce and you fear nothing.
The air in your lungs has a different taste when you dance. You forget about all the things that were bithering you only seconds before. there is only the counts in your head, when to throw, when to jump, and the incredible feeling of being invincible.
And the music stops, the wave retrieve and there's only you in the middle of the floor. The magic is broken. You stand up, salute and leave the floor, feeling excited and happy, and stress out, you don't really know what you did in there. Was that really you?
And now it has come to an end.
I'm leaving the country and with it I'm leavings bits and scraps of my old life, and one among them is that. I'm leaving my hoop, my leotard, and lots of memories with it.
I won't stop dancing, I'll keep on practicing ballet, but still, it's not the same and I sure as hell will miss it. All the mixed-up feelings, the soreness after the practice, the pride, the peace.
I will miss it.