A crow in a flock of magpies.

I thought I'd write something here about the weird week-end I'm having.
So amoung many activities, I'm a Rhythmic Gymnast. Not a great one to be honnest, but enough to have some fun in the contests.
My team and I unexpected god selected for the nationnal championship of our division!
So here I am in a shabby hotel in the French countryside with every other selected gymnast of my club (30 of us, 37 staff included).

We left Friday morning, and even before I got on the bus, I knew things were going to get bad:
Half of my team more or less ignored the rest of us. That wasn't very promising. The went to seat at the back of the bus, not saving seats for us. So we just found sit, and started to work (yeah, call us nerds).

That didn't get anybetter by the lunch break, when they quite clearly shown no interest in talking to us.

Genuinly, I'm not athe most empathic person. I can understand, and do the maths about people motivations and drives to understand what they do what the do, and I usually shut up about what I understand. Knowledge is power, but life is also about the survival of the fitest, so I usually try to blend in.
But well, I don't share a lot with my teammates. CC is cool and we share quite some stuff (being scouts leaders, Cello players, workoholics/studyholics), Aury is cool and fun and even if we don't share a lot, we got along well. The other 3 are different. Well, we don't really share anything and there is some Ego problem I suppose (mine included, I'm not all innocent)

The rest of the girls are cool. Youngers (from 12 to, well me...) and all chatty and happy to be here. There's a lot of shouting, of encouraging every team, of laughter and jokes. So the atmosphere was good, even electifying, works well on me.

Untill I got tired, untill the low but steady tension in my team got on my nerves, untill I couldn't bear those side looks and acid comments.

and then my blend-in Mojo went through the window.

Too much noise, to many superficial remarks and comments. Useless talks, and fake faces. I'm good at pretending, but it's draining me.
So I left the other, and went back to the hotel, to work, to wrap myself in the comfort of loneliness and work.
I want to go home.
And by home, I don't mean the place where I live.
I want to go Home.
A place safe and calm, alone with my books or with my friends, talking about things that'd put my brain to work, things that would actually challenge me and make the time fly. I want to be with those I understand and to whome I feel connected.
I miss it. I miss them.
I tired of being a crow in the middle of a flock of magpies.