Stop saying "I'm sorry"

It's true.
I DO say "I'm sorry" a lot.
I can't help it. I apologize for approximativly everything.
I don't like to attract attention, to act in a way that could give a false idea of who I am, I don't like to bother people. That's the way things are. I do apologize a lot. For not being what people would like me to be.
So when that friend of mine said "Stop saying "I'm sorry!" ", I couldn't help it, I said "Sorry".
And I was.
As a matter of fact, I truly am sorry. I'm sorry I ask a lot of attention, I'm sorry I talk too much, I'm sorry I say stupid things sometimes. I'm sorry I'm not as strong as I should be. I'm sorry you have to deal with my insecurities. In a way, I suppose I'm sorry I'm not worth enough.
There is this voice, up there in my head, who just keeps on saying "you shouldn't do that", "you're worthless", "you're just annoying them", "they only talk to you because they pity you".
And no, it's not easy, to be sorry about existing.
Don't take me wrong, I fought tooth and nail to stay alive and to make something for myself. I don't say I hate my life, or anything.
What I'm trying to say here is: I'm pretty much scared of everything, and above all, I'm afraid my friends will leave me. Because they're bored, or because I'm not good enough.
I try to stand for myself. I don't let people get me down. Not my boss, not my teachers, not my classmates. I'm proud and strong, and I'm not sorry for who I am.
But friends... that's different.
Friends are important. Friends matter. Friendship comes first, before family, before work (before self preservation?).
I've done pretty stupid things, to please people I thought were friends. On a scale from 1 to "invade russia in winter" I might have hit the full mark a couple of times.
So since the last catastrophe I'm much more carefull about who I choose to befriend with.  I keep a safe distance. I don't get too emotionally involved, in case, you know, I misjudged someone (again). I don't want to crumble to dust (again).
But when I (finally) start to trust someone, I tend to be extremely self-conscious about what they think of me. After all the trouble I had to make friends, I don't want them to go away.
Friends are precious.
I lost friends, and it was hard. Friends are the family you choose, those you call in the middle of the night to help you hide a body.
So I can't help but feel sorry and guilty not to be as perfect as I'd like, because I scared to death they're going to leave me!
(Yeah, we all act more or less stupidly to cope with our insecurities.)
So to my dear friends: The fact that I apologize once every ten minutes is a proof that I do think highly of you. And it also means that yes, I am scared and no, I can't not say "I'm sorry". Because I am.
Sorry for that.