About a girl

Is it stupid to be a bit stress about seeing someone?
G and I broke up a bit less than a year ago, and since, I more or less kept to myself. Which is the best thing to do, since I'll be leaving shortly for China.
I'm thinking about finding an excuse to cancel. It's the safe thing to do. I don't really have time for this anyway. I should be working on my essays and translations.
There's no way this is really happening. Nope. Not a chance.
She'd have sent a clearer message.
You. here. now.
That'd have made things easier.
(Or not)
I like to stick by the rules and if I can't write a date/hour/place on my agenda, then it must mean that well, it's not like real or anything.
That doesn't even make sense.
I mean, seriously. Me.
I'm a bit lost here. I can't understand why I said yes in the first place.
Sure, she's gorgeous and intelligent. We're clearly not playing in the same league.
What if I'm ridiculous?
It's not as if it was unlikely.
in fact is even likely to happen.
I already feel ridiculous. This is stupid. I'm leaving soon, why would I do that.
God! I hate being so self conscious.