Back to Wuhan

I am back in Wuhan. I came back Tuesday evening. It was hard to say good bye. I managed to see many people and it felt really good, but I knew it was only a short visit before my summer break. But after passing a month so close to my Twin, it broke my heart to pieces to have to say good bye. It was hard the first time, and while I knew we had already survived a first separation, the idea to be apart for four month seemed even harder than the first time. I guess we grew even closer than before.

It was weird to leave him at the airport, to wave good bye and to lose sight of him. To look for him in the crowd, knowing I won’t see him.

I flew back to Wuhan. Where I live. Where my life is. Even if things are missing. PM’s not here, he is not here, my friends are far away. Those people I feel close to, I feel can understand me are far away. Yet my life is here. My studies, my job, my flat. Part of my belongings.

Arriving in Wuhan I realised that indeed, I now consider myself to live here. I am not just a stranger. I somewhat belong here. I have places where I like to crash, people I like to see. No one like those I left in France but nice people. I guess lone wolf me feels at ease here. I have acquaintances, but no real friend apart from Lea with whom I live. But I know people, I can go out if I want to and I have time.

I got better during the holidays. The mood has been a bit more stable. Eating regularly, sleeping on a normal schedule, doing exercise and actually feeling like I did things. not just wasting my time.

I was a bit afraid to come back to be honest. I was afraid to just fall back into my bad habits. I am not out of trouble yet. I still have to keep myself in check.

So I decided to force myself on a regular schedule of sleep, to force myself to cook my meals, so I’d feel good from making something for myself. I realised after three days that I have a problem of quantities. I eat too little. So now I’ll try to be careful with that. But at least I eat. (Okay, I had a late breakfast so I still haven’t had lunch, but I won’t skip it.)

Mood tends to get a bit grey, but I manage to remind myself that there is no point in lingering on depressing thoughts and kick myself into action. Writing here, cleaning my room, cooking, doing my homework (not yet).
For the moment, I’m doing okay.