Find grace where you can

I have faith. I doubt too much not to have faith, if it makes any sense.
I feel, deep in my bones that there is something. Even though I am otherwise extremely rational. Even though I disagree with a lot of what is written in the Bible. Even though I do not agree with the dogma my church preaches.
I have faith, and I believe that the founding principles of my church are right, are good, are wise and necessary. Love thy neighbour is what matters to me.
My faith doesn't fit exactly the catholic canvas, but it's okay. I don't mind and I don't think it actually matters. I have faith and I take part in the church because I believe it can do good, because I believe it is the right thing to do.
But as such, I do not often have the opportunity to truly feel like I belong in the church. Often I am an outsider, an intruder. but sometimes I find grace. An echo, a certainty, that there is something and that it is loving and benevolent.
Singing is one of them.
I love singing but I grew very self conscious of singing. Never singing alone, never singing without other people to cover me. I love singing but I stopped, somewhere along the way. Somewhere among the little remarks that stung too much and sticked too long. After I left my music school, I stopped singing.
This week, I didn't go to mass in my usual parish. I went to mass with a group of other young people who decided to celebrate their faith with art. we got to go to mass with them. Oh boy it was different from my usual parish!
I like mass. I have time to pray, to think, and I can sing. I get to sing and to feel lifted, to feel carried by the others. I do not cower or hide. I sing with all those things inside me that want to get out.
And God they sang.
Not old odes whose lines no one pays attention to anymore, or whose lines are close-minded.
No. They sang poems and songs that talked of love and acceptance.
I so we sang. I sang.
It did not matter that what I believe in is slightly different. It didn't matter that I love women. It did not matter who I've been or what I've done. All that mattered was that we sang. We sang of belief and trust and hope. And I felt good. I felt grace in the easy harmony of the moment.

I do not often mention faith and what I believe in but meeting people who believe and who are willing to discuss it and to accept who you are, what you are, what you believe in is rare and precious to me. Those small moments of grace are priceless to me/

God, it felt good.