Just when you think you had a life

Taken from Neil Gaiman's Tumblr:

Peter Freuchen and his second wife Dagmar Freuchen Gale, in a photo taken by Irving Penn in 1947. Freuchen is a top candidate for the Most Interesting Man in the World.Standing six feet seven inches, Freuchen was an arctic explorer, journalist, author, and anthropologist. He participated in several arctic journeys (including a 1000miles dogsled trip across Greenland), starred in an Oscar winning film, wrote more than a dozen books (novels and nonfiction, including his Famous Book of the Eskimos), had a peg leg (he lost his leg to frostbite in 1926; he amputated his gangrenous toes himself), was involved in the Danish resistance against Germany, was imprisoned and sentenced to death by the Nazis before escaping to Sweden, studied to be a doctor at university, his first wife was Inuit and his second was a Danish margarine heiress, became friends with Jean Harlow and MaeWest, once escaped from a blizzard shelter by cutting his way out of it with a knife fashioned from his own feces, and last but certainly not least, won $64,000 on The $64,000 Question. 

My life is so plain and boring when I read that.

Feels like home at last

I bought a wardrobe.
Not some heavy wooden furniture. Just a thing made of metallic tubes that you put together. It’s nothing really. Cost me 65Kuai, less than 10euro.
But Good Lord! It feels good!

When I came back to Wuhan last week, I decided that being away from those I love should encourage me to live, to be alive, to enjoy myself as much as I can. What is the point of aching so much to be so far if I don’t make it worth it?
So I decided to enjoy myself a bit more. I taped pictures of my friends I left in France on the wall, I put some posters, I bought scented candles, a plant in a pot, some crockery and finally a wardrobe. I won’t be camping in this bedroom anymore. Previously my clothes on hangers were suspended to the open doors of my clothes cupboard. Now They are neatly stored in the wardrobe. It feels a bit more like a home and less like temporary shelter.

I have no idea of what the future will look like.
I have no idea what I am going to do next year. Which Master degree? In which university? Where? With which job am I going to pay it? There are so many possibilities.
So I decided to make use of it. There is no telling if I will be in China next year, so I should enjoy being here while I can instead of focussing on how much I would like to be in France.
I don't say I will suddenly become a very sociable person, but at least let's try to have some good memories here.

So yeah, I bought a wardrobe and it feels good. 

Back to Wuhan

I am back in Wuhan. I came back Tuesday evening. It was hard to say good bye. I managed to see many people and it felt really good, but I knew it was only a short visit before my summer break. But after passing a month so close to my Twin, it broke my heart to pieces to have to say good bye. It was hard the first time, and while I knew we had already survived a first separation, the idea to be apart for four month seemed even harder than the first time. I guess we grew even closer than before.

It was weird to leave him at the airport, to wave good bye and to lose sight of him. To look for him in the crowd, knowing I won’t see him.

I flew back to Wuhan. Where I live. Where my life is. Even if things are missing. PM’s not here, he is not here, my friends are far away. Those people I feel close to, I feel can understand me are far away. Yet my life is here. My studies, my job, my flat. Part of my belongings.

Arriving in Wuhan I realised that indeed, I now consider myself to live here. I am not just a stranger. I somewhat belong here. I have places where I like to crash, people I like to see. No one like those I left in France but nice people. I guess lone wolf me feels at ease here. I have acquaintances, but no real friend apart from Lea with whom I live. But I know people, I can go out if I want to and I have time.

I got better during the holidays. The mood has been a bit more stable. Eating regularly, sleeping on a normal schedule, doing exercise and actually feeling like I did things. not just wasting my time.

I was a bit afraid to come back to be honest. I was afraid to just fall back into my bad habits. I am not out of trouble yet. I still have to keep myself in check.

So I decided to force myself on a regular schedule of sleep, to force myself to cook my meals, so I’d feel good from making something for myself. I realised after three days that I have a problem of quantities. I eat too little. So now I’ll try to be careful with that. But at least I eat. (Okay, I had a late breakfast so I still haven’t had lunch, but I won’t skip it.)

Mood tends to get a bit grey, but I manage to remind myself that there is no point in lingering on depressing thoughts and kick myself into action. Writing here, cleaning my room, cooking, doing my homework (not yet).
For the moment, I’m doing okay.

Another degree

We just had the results of our French University Degree. I got it.
I can’t believe it.
I passed the exam. I have a University Degree in French as a Foreign Language Teaching.
I was so sure I had failed.
I had no preparation of any sort. I just didn’t work. How is it possible?

I am both relieved and scared.
I was prepared to pass it again in May. I was so sure I was going to need to go for the second session. It opens so many possibilities. It scares the hell out of me.
What do I do know?