The passing of time

I grow in my extremes, in paradox, in contradictions.
And I think I am fine with it.
I don't think I ever thought I actually grow up.
I never projected me much. All I knew was I wanted to be it. Whatever that is.

It is still true.
As I get older I become calmer, more organized.
I am tougher. I know all my demons. We cohabitate, mostly fine. Mostly.

I'm used to them and it's enough for me. Trying to shade them now would require more time and effort than I am willing to put in them. I'd rather invest in building myself.

The more I think about it, I realize that it is not so much failure that I am afraid of, but of mundanity.

I don't want to be just one more shadow. one more nameless grown up who used to have dreams and projects. I don't want daily life and petty concerns erase who I am.

I want to be bigger than my shrinking existence. I want to be brighter. I want to be remarkable.

I want to make something. I want to write. I want to create.

I'm bending time and trying to make sure that I don't let life grind me down.
I will steal time. Minutes here and there to create, to read, to learn.
I will make time, tighten my schedule where I must.
I will not give up.